…because they can’t fly on account of their tiny wings. Because of this size, the chicken wing (or Buffalo Wing for those outside of Western NY) makes an excellent snack or appetizer. Women consider this a valid fact.
Guys on the other hand, look at wings as a statistic on which to hang ones hat. 5714 strikeouts in a career, 1406 stolen bases in a career, 212 pinch hits in a career, 75 wings for lunch yesterday. Take a seat at the local chicken wing establishment. 83% of the people eating there are guys. Why? Well, the best wings are sloppy. Guys have zero issues with sloppy. Sure, there are women who love wings. However, they usually order them to go, so they can be consumed in privacy. The brave women who are willing to eat wings in public do so with extreme care. Choosing the drummette (the other part is taboo for women to eat) holding the wing as if CSI will try to lift a print off the bone. They take one tiny bite, being careful not to get too much sauce on the lips, then immediately following with the wipeage. A sip of the drink then repeat. At this rate, one can only eat 6-8 wings during a lunch hour.
Guys on the other hand…Order enough to fill them up. Stacks the amount of napkins needed for the entire meal as to not soil the remaining napkins in the container. They eat several wings at a time before the wipeage. The best posture for this is to lean over the plate, looking down, until the need for wipeage. Clean the face then straighten up and make eye-contact with your lunch mate and continue the conversation so that the other guy can lean and get his fill. From a distance, this see-saw action can seem awkward, but it’s truly the best way for to guys to throw down some wings for lunch. Now, when the chicken wing was invented in 1964 (Anchor Bar, 1047 Main St. Buffalo, NY, www.anchorbar.com) history says the sides of raw carrots and celery came in handy to ‘cool off’ the mouth while eating the wings. But I have developed an additional use. Since I am not averse to using food for wipeage. (Bread comes to the minds of my family) Take a close look and the veggies on how they’re sliced. ‘Julienned’ for the culinary arts student. I call it squeegeeeque. You get the picture? Why waste the wonderful sauce? This is why you walked into the wing joint in the first place. You can get most of the sauce cleanly off the face where one can save the wet-nap for the fingers, hands and elbows. Of course, facial hair dramatically reduces this effect and may require additional wipeage. So take a trip to your local wing emporium, have a seat, order a bucket and a cold one and enjoy the wonderful differences of the genders. And special thanks to the Anchor Bar, for giving the chicken wing a permanent, honored status in the GuyFood Hall of Fame.
